Should I Bring a Family Member to my Estate Planning Meeting?
BY BERNARD A. KROOKS, CERTIFIED ELDER LAW ATTORNEY
SPECIAL GUEST CONTRIBUTOR:
JOEL KROOKS, ESQ.
When you attend an estate planning appointment, it is important that you feel comfortable sharing all the relevant information. Yes, an attorney will ask who should receive your assets and who you’d like to make decisions for you if you become incapacitated—but the attorney will also ask about your family dynamics, financial situation, and health. These conversations can sometimes go in unexpected directions, and having a family member in the room may limit your ability to speak freely.
For example, if your child were sitting next to you, would you feel comfortable saying that you don’t want your child’s spouse to benefit from your estate? Or discussing concerns about one child’s ability to manage money responsibly? What about sharing details regarding a family member’s addiction, gambling issues, or health problems? It’s completely natural to hold back in these situations when someone close to the issue is present.
Even if none of these scenarios apply to you, or you believe you wouldn’t hold back, the attorney won’t know that until you speak with them talk one-on-one. Attorneys have an ethical obligation to keep everything you share with them strictly confidential. That includes both the details of your estate plan and any personal or family information you disclose during the planning process. But if someone else is in the room, your right to confidentiality can be compromised.
When a family member starts speaking for you, or your children begin suggesting what should be updated/done, it can quickly become unclear whose goals are driving the plan. That’s why it is best to begin by meeting with the attorney alone. It allows the attorney to understand your unique situation, clarify your goals, and ensure the plan is built around what you want.
In addition, part of an attorney’s role is to ensure you have the capacity to understand the decisions you’re making. This may require meeting privately to assess whether you understand your assets and how you want them distributed. When someone else answers questions for you, it becomes difficult to gauge your true understanding.
In summary, it’s usually best to attend your initial estate planning meeting alone or with just your spouse. This allows for open, honest conversation and ensures the plan reflects your true intentions. That said, if you’re more comfortable, including a family member, and there are no known conflicts, it’s often fine to do so. Just remember this is your estate plan. It should reflect your wishes, not anyone else’s.
Bernard A. Krooks, Esq., is a founding partner of Littman Krooks LLP. He was named 2021 “Lawyer of the Year” by Best Lawyers in America® for excellence in Elder Law and has been honored as one of the “Best Lawyers” in America since 2008. He was elected to the Estate Planning Hall of Fame by the National Association of Estate Planners & Councils (NAEPC). Krooks is past Chair of the Elder Law Committee of the American College of Trust and Estate Counsel (ACTEC). Mr. Krooks may be reached at 914-684-2100 or by visiting the firm’s website at www.littmankrooks.com.